Download a “teen porn” video through any peer-to-peer network (which may soon be censored) and you’ll notice that the Internet definition of “teen” is fairly broad. Nobody will card these “teens” when they buy liquor and none of them will get a student discount at the multiplex. But we hungrily download videos of these 30-something year old “teens” because there is a chance we will see nubile girls having sex. Porn moguls know this is an atavistic desire of all men, which is why you’ll almost never see porn marketed with old models.

So how young do you like them? What’s acceptable for you? 18? 16? 14? Younger? And when you have those secret desires for the perfect sexual partner, what age do you imagine them? Of course you want to stay on the right side of what is legal and what is moral, but the question remains: how young is okay?

The anti-child porn organization classifies child pornography as “photographic, film, video or other visual representation that shows a person who is under the age of eighteen years old engaged in or depicted in explicit sexual activity.” This definition seems reasonable if you consider that anyone under 18 is a minor. The problem is that not everyone agrees you have to be 18 or older before it’s okay for you to engage in sexual activity.

In fact, few countries (or U.S. states) agree on the legal age of sexual consent. The acceptable age for consensual sex ranges from 12 years old (Argentina, Chile, Philippines) to 21 years old (Madagascar). In the U.S., ages range from 16-18, although 14 is acceptable in some states so long as the partner makes no complaint. There is a nine year gap between 12 and 21, which makes you wonder who has correctly decided on the perfect age or is it an indication that we simply don’t know when it’s the right time?

Some pedophiles suggest there should be a difference between age of consent and informed consent, which is when a child has had the meaning and purpose of intimate contact explicitly explained to them and have the intellectual capacity to understand what they are doing and openly agree to it. Parents and moralists might counter that 8 or 9 year olds, who’d happily eat fudge ice-cream as their main meal of the day and think that Spiderman should run for President, can not truly understand the implications of agreeing to sex.

Others want to create a more delineated age-classification system, separating the pre and post-pubescent. For example, the Catholic Church has countered accusations of widespread pedophilia amongst the priesthood by claiming that most of the incidents involved adolescent boys aged 14 – 17. Technically speaking, that would make the priests ephebophiles rather than pedophiles, which further grays the area. Since teens in this age group are usually sexually curious and legally able to consent to sexual acts in many parts of the world, there may be some basis for believing they are cognizant enough to understand what they’re doing. So while there may be a legal basis for prosecuting people who engage in sex with someone in this age group, is there a moral basis?

Does something magically happen to someone the night of their legal age of consent birthday that makes them suddenly okay for sex, and can we legislate around that? Apparently lawmakers think that we can. Even with their consent, sex with a minor is considered statutory rape with penalties ranging from one year jail time in California to life imprisonment in Montana. And before you take a trip across state (or international) lines to have sex with a younger partner, know this: you can be prosecuted when you return home! Despite this, many people, even famous people, have pursued sex with underage partners and had their lives ruined.

Roman Polanski is a case in point. His tryst with a 12 year old girl forced him to flee the U.S. Some thirty years later, the “victim” (now an adult woman) says she has no issue with Polanksi. If the “victim” of the crime is ready to forgive and forget, should we still enforce the punishment? To this day, Polanski chooses to stay out of the U.S. to avoid prosecution.

The Polanksi case raises the difficult question of the “victimless” crime. While we can legislate for the age of consent, it’s virtually impossible to enforce those laws when both parties consent in private. So are we focusing on the symptom rather than the cause? Are we enforcing out-dated moral standards on youth who are living in a completely new world? In an age where sexual-oriented “hot-spots” like gay marriages are changing our perception of what is acceptable in society, will our views on underage sex also need to undergo an overhaul? Some people, such as psychologist Thayer White M.D., believe that a more open approach to sex education and a less puritan view of sexuality is necessary.

He may have a point. Have we become too frightened of sex? The MPAA, who regulates the voluntary ratings system we see on all movies, equates sex and violence and believes both are unsuitable for underage consumption. For example, an “R” rated film is given the classification because it “may include hard language, or tough violence, or nudity within sensual scenes, or drug abuse or other elements, or a combination of some of the above.” Using generalized and over-simplified classifications like this, have we mistakenly equated violence and sex in a way that means we can’t realistically separate their effect? Is sex really that bad? Do we really think that seeing someone naked is as potentially detrimental to a child’s development as seeing someone shot or killed? And does this kind of censorship work to dissuade children from exploring their sexuality or does it heighten their curiosity?

Human nature seems to dictate that the more something is made into a taboo, the more curious some people will be to explore it. It’s important to listen to what the kids themselves are telling us. Statistics on pornography suggest that the average age of a kid’s first exposure to Internet porn is 11 years old, with the 12-17 age group being the largest consumer of Internet porn. Since successfully policing the Internet to exclude kids from accessing porn is virtually impossible, we need to address their curiosity in a reasonable, mature way rather than pretend it’s not happening and create ineffective laws around it.

Others would note that an interest in sex, even at 11 years old, is not the problem. Their issue is with predatory adults who use that curiosity to sexually exploit those youth. Daily child porn” search requests average 116,000. Websites that offer illegal child pornography top 100,000. An even more worrisome statistic is that 89% of youth made sexually solicitations in chat rooms. Furthermore, 20% of youth received sexual solicitations. Figures like these suggest that minors are not only curious about sex, but they’re actively seeking to explore it. That they’re going to find willing adults is a no-brainer.

Why are some of us so attracted to younger partners? Is it simply an aesthetic of unwrinkled skin and fresh features? Certainly popular culture enforces the sexual desirability of youth. Watch any music video or Calvin Klein ad and you’ll see that we’re bludgeoned with the message that youth and sexual desirability are equated. What is the purpose of the message – that it’s okay to fantasize about the possibility of sex with young people, but be very careful if you’re considering acting on that impulse?

And does wanting a younger partner mean we’re lecherous? Evolutionary psychologists might suggest that seeking younger, healthier, more beautiful partners is part of the sexual selection process first put forward by Charles Darwin. Since younger women are in a better physical position to bear healthy children, it’s in our interest to seek them out as sexual partners. In fact, couldn’t we argue that as soon as females begin to menstruate they are ready to conceive and therefore ready for sexual activity?

A truly acceptable and universal age of consent may be harder to pinpoint than current laws dictate. Most communities (and individuals) seem to agree pre-pubescent children are sacrosanct and that late teens seems about right. But it’s that hazy mid-teen period when someone is blossoming into adulthood that gives us concern. Whether it’s the taking of something so seemingly fresh and innocent that appeals to many of us, this taboo has a deep-seated home in the sexual desires of many people. Just remember to be sure of the laws in your community (and the date on your partner’s ID) before you flirt with this taboo.